It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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