we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
