you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
