I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
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Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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