the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
