Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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