he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize