He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
