Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
