All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
