I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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