Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
