did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
