Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
