we're chasing vodka with high fives
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
