My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
