Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My bed smells like the plague
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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