i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
