i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
