that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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