We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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