I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
