i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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