Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
