I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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