I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
