I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
