she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
