just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You did what with his pubic hair?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
