'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
