took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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