I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
