He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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