so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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