have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
