She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
