watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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