I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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