I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
