I want to make a zoo with you.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
