i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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