Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
