She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
