He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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