So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
