I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
