I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
