Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
