My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
