she was so not down for the gang bang
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
