How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
