my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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