Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
