So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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