your thong is hanging out like whoa
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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