hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
