The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
