Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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