no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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