I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
