it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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