Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
