Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
