Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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