The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
