Buhtt sex?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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