didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
