I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I want to make a zoo with you.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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