Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Sober January is a disaster.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
