May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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