Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
