Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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