i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
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A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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