I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
